I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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