In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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