3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
