I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
