just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
