My nipple is on Facebook.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
