A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
