he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
