Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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