mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
