Have you finally orgasmed yet?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
