I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
