i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
