every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
