What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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