Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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