Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We have started to decorate penises.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize