I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
