If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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