We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
