she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
