Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
