Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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