I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
