I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
