so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
