Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
