What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
