when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i think my cat just said my name.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
