yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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