ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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