There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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