I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
