I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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