dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
