i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
