Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
