Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My life is pants optional.
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