So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize