So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
