when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I need to stop coming to work sober
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
