So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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