I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
