quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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