We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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