Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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