It was confusing and full of hummus
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
