Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
