You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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