i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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