since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
