: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
