It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
