Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
