no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You have to summon your inner elephant
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
