Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
4 words: hood of his car
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
