this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They took my balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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