i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
