ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
