You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
