the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize