"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
