I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
