He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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