fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
