I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
