you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
