whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
