dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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