how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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